


A Tale of Romance(s)

by Emil_Macabre



Category: Homestuck
Genre: ALL THE GAY, Basically, Child Abuse, F/F, F/M, First Time, Gen, Highschoolstuck, Humanstuck, Love, M/M, Multi, Other, Parties, VriskaEquius, highschool, virgins
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-03-14
Updated: 2014-03-17
Packaged: 2018-01-15 17:18:03
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 6,396
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1312942
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Emil_Macabre/pseuds/Emil_Macabre
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Equius' best friend has been transferred to a different highschool, leaving him to sit with a loud-mouthed, smart and shit talking Vriska Serket to spend his lunches with.  All he wants is to find a nice girl to bring home to his parents and to graduate this pit of hell but neither of his goals seem to be working out for unforeseen reasons. Struggling with denied sexuality and a good friend who can't stop talking about penises, he goes through highschool and love with nothing to keep him sane but maybe the second most insane girl he's ever met. </p><p>Things take a turn for the worse- or better- when he starts lying to his worst enemy about failing religion. Vriska always said, keep your friends close and your enemies closer.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Like at First Sight

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first try at this shit and I'm enjoying it, and hope you enjoy it too. Heads up- There are gonna be sexy times. At some point. If some boy-on-boy uneducated adolescent love makes you uncomfortable, this ain't the rodeo for you, sister and/or brother.

This is great, Equius thought to himself, sitting alone at a lunch table in the back of his cafeteria, this is just… this is just great.  
Not only had his best friend just been transferred to a different school, his girlfriend of about two months had just smacked him in the face for trying to break it off with her in a quiet and in his opinion nice way. This was now basically cementing his reputation as a ‘ladykiller’. He had gone through five girls that school year now, and it wasn’t even half done.  
Thank god this was his last year in the bloody place.  
He was the most prudent boy, PERSON, he knew, but regardless, he was being seen as the biggest heartbreaker in the school now, save for Gamzee Makara and maybe Vriska Serket. But lately, Vriska actually seemed to have settled down, while Gamzee was still the anarchistic and strangely charismatic young man who everyone wanted to fuck.

Everyone.

Then again, he could be so violent and chaotic and downright frightening, everyone pretty much knew the only reason everyone wanted to screw him was because, well, he was a really good screw.

Equius felt like hitting his head off of the table in front of him.

He was just behind this guy on list-of-people-to-avoid-if-you-don’t-want-your-heart-broken. This guy. THIS GUY.

God, I miss Nepeta, He thought to himself, not bothering to even play with his food. He just sighed, shoved it aside and opened his backpack for a book. He fished around, felt something out of the ordinary, and realized Roxy’s bracelet was still in his back. He sighed. He knew he had to give it back to her, but he had no idea how to go into her vicinity without getting slapped into oblivion.  
Roxy had been the school slut for four years and failed her final year twice. She pulled herself together and kicked her alcoholism not a year ago, and is now determined to pass and finally get out of highschool. This older-sexy-girl reputation made her quite popular with the boys, but for some reason, she had decided to ask Equius out. He was the quiet one, the tall, broad-shouldered, mysterious boy of 17 that was just hidden enough to be one of the sexiest people she knew. The thing he remembered most of all about her, other than her beautiful smile, was that she could never stop playing with her hair. He, to an extent, didn’t really understand why he had broken it off with her. She was funny, she was absolutely beautiful, and she had a strong spirit. She was just a young woman, but she already had a dark past, not unlike himself, and her strength and personality was something he admired. He loved being around her.  
So why would he break up with her?  
She had probably been so upset because there WAS a connection and they both felt it. She hadn’t seen a breakup coming. Why would she have?

And it wasn’t her fault. It was Equius. He just… didn’t find her attractive. It made no sense to him. he thought she was completely beautiful, and she was a very interesting, nice person, but the first time she had tried to kiss him, he hadn’t been interested at all. 

This was a re-occurring problem.

Whenever Equius thought he had actually found a nice, interesting girl that he could have a future with, she would kiss him, or make a move, and he would realize that he wasn’t attracted to them at ALL. He just wasn’t. 

But would he admit to himself that maybe, just maybe, he wasn’t attracted to girls at all?

Hell no.

He took her bracelet out of his bag and put it in his pocket. He would return it today. …when she wasn’t surrounded by bloodthirsty friends consoling her.

As he began to rummage through his bag again, someone came over and sat down across from him at the table. He looked up, surprised.  
Another former girlfriend. But this one was different- because she didn’t want to kill him. They were, surprisingly, still on good terms. Maybe it was because this one was so different.  
You see, this one had broken up with him.

She had bright blonde hair with dark brown roots and long blue bangs. Kissing her had definitely been the most INTERESTING of any girl. He had kissed her three times. The first time, when he was six, after giving her a dandelion he had found on the ground and passing it to her sheepishly. She had been his first kiss. The second time, she had gotten drunk and sloppily kissed him at a party his current girlfriend had forced him to go to, and while he was wiping his mouth, a catfight had erupted. The third time, they had both been willing partners. Standing out in the rain, after her mother’s funeral, she whispered to him with tears in her eyes that her cousins were picking on her and thought he was just there because he pitied her. So he kissed her.  
That was the day he became her best friend. 

“Vriska? I thought you were still under suspension.”  
“Nahhh, my dad got me a slip.” She smiled, leaning her chin on her hands. Fishnet fingerless gloves covered her palms and wrists, crawling down her arms to her elbows, and a bright blue, flowy tanktop sat on her soulders. “What’s new?” She asked.  
He only had to gave her a look and she groaned, fully understanding. “How did she take it?”  
“My cheek still hurts.”  
“Why do you even still date girls? It never works?”  
Equius gave her a dirty look. “It will. Someday.”  
“Okay, okay, whatever you say. How about we talk about something with more positivity, like my love life?”  
“…” Equius blinked. “Because it’s always so positive.”  
“Oh shut up, at least I’m getting laid.” She said, flipping her hair over one of her shoulders. Her necklaces jangled. “Your love life is depressing, Equius, not only because you lie to yourself, but because I am the only stable girl you have in your life.”  
“…True.”  
“That’s what I thought.”  
“So how are things going with Sollux?”  
“Sollux? Oh. No, broke up with him. We’re just friends who fuck now.”  
“…alright then. Then what do you have to talk abo-”  
“Did you know that Sollux has a clitoris? I figured he would have both parts, obviously, as a hermaphrodite, but I thought the penis would like, be over the clitoris and he would only have a vagina or something.”  
Equius blinked several times before responding.

“…Let’s talk about something else. Please.”

“Okay, okay, jeez, you’re no fun. Anyway, not sure how long I’m going to have sex with him. I have my eye on someone else.”  
“Oh do you?” Equius asked, taking a ruler-lined notebook from his bag and doodling in it with a runny black pen while Vriska spoke. Vriska nodded and pointed with her eyes to a boy a few tables away from them. Equius turned and looked over. A short, albino kid sat with a couple other people, the only darkness on him being the heavy bags under his eyes. He had a black hoodie pulled up over his snowy hair and dark grey pants. He looked especially pissed today.  
“Karkat?” Equius asked, bemused. Vriska nodded. “I think he’s cute, in a weird circus-freak sort of way.”  
“…That… is extremely rude, Vriska.”  
“Not because he’s ALBINO. Because he’s practically a MIDGET. Who’s the offensive one now?” she smirked, sipping on chocolate milk. Equius just sighed.  
“Have your eye on anyone?”  
“I never do.” Equius said firmly, almost sadly. “Roxy was so… so nice. I don’t know what went wrong with her.”  
Vriska gave him a half-lidded, no-bullshit look. “Equius, it went wrong BECAUSE she’s a ‘her’. I don’t know why you’re so freaked out about maybe, just maybe, being gay.”  
“Don’t say that.”  
“You’re kidding.”  
“I hate that word. It’s an insult in today’s world. I hate it.” Equius noticed that his runny pen was now being extremely runny, on account of having broken in his hand. “Oh sh-f-d-goodness.” He muttered, skipping over words he deemed offensive. Vriska roller her eyes.  
“I’ll get you a tissue, idiot.” She got up to get something for him to mop up the thick black ink. He sighed and looked around, wiping his stained fingers best he could on the pages of the book.  
“You need a hand there?” Someone asked behind him. “…No, I…I’m fine. Vriska is getting me a tissue, I think.” He answered, then turned to face the mystery voice. A tall, darkish-skinned young man stood above him with crossed arms and a half-amused expression. Equius’ expression immediately hardened.  
“I think you’re gonna need more than a motherfuckin tissue.” He laughed. He sounded deep and gravelly. “Sure you don’t want some help?”  
“Yes. Thank you.” He said, turning back to his table. Gamzee was the last person in the world he needed to be talking to at the moment. He heard Gamzee’s sharp intake of air behind him, followed by a sort of cold tsk. “Cold, Zahhak.” He grinned, putting a hand on his shoulder. He leaned down. “How’s Nepeta?”  
“Go away.”  
“I’m her friend too.”  
“Then why do you need to ask me how she’s doing?” Equius muttered. Gamzee had an effect on him that no other had. Mostly, an effect that made him want to punch him in the face.  
“I left my phone at home. You talk to her every night.”

“Hello, boys.” Vriska flashed a smile at Gamzee, then saw Equius’ expression and quickly shut it down. Gamzee stood up straight again, leaning on the table. “Vriska.” He smiled. She couldn’t help but smile back. Equius wasn’t the only one she had history with.  
“Gamzee. What brings you to this neck of the woods?” She asked, passing Equius some dampened tissues.  
“Smelled a clutz. Don’t think he wants my help, though.”  
“No, I don’t.”  
“You aren’t as nice as I remember, Equius.” Gamzee’s sharp-rimmed smile never faded. He squeezed Equius’ shoulders, gave a civil (or at least as civil as Gamzee could be) little nod to Vriska and left. Equius’ shoulders suddenly felt like they were burning under his shirt.  
“I sense a hate-boner.” Vriska whispered, as he wiped his hands. his eyes flashed. “I do not have a hate boner for that capitalizing, manipulative misfit.” He seethed.  
Vriska almost looked impressed. “That was the most civil way I have ever heard anyone say ‘fuck that guy’.”  
“Mmh.” Equius half nodded.  
“Remind me why you hate him so much?”  
His eyes shot daggers. “I really need to.”  
“Uh. Yeah. Equius, he doesn’t just beat on her with wild abandon. They’ve been weird friends for years. They’ve been beating each other up for fun for years.”  
“He shouldn’t hit a woman like that.”  
“Dude, she’s rougher on him than he is on her!”  
“Not true. Not always.”  
“…Eq, we all knew that was an honest mistake. Otherwise, she wouldn’t have forgiven him while she was in the ambulance.”  
“We are not having this discussion.”  
Vriska sighed. “God, you’re weird.” She smiled.  
He smiled thinly back, for just a moment, before continuing to wipe up the ink. “…My hands are going to be black for days, aren’t they?”  
“Yep.”  
“Sh-f-fishsticks.”


	2. Something of Center (maybe)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Equius keeps up with his inner sexual conflict and Vriska starts to make her move on a person she might actually be interested in.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> that book, 'Left of Center', is a real book, and that is a real description. I recommend it. I put it in because, for obvious reasons, I felt like it fit waaaaaaay too much.

“And then he did this INSANE curvy thing with his neck and his mouth went right down on-”  
“Vriska, for the love of GOD, STOP TALKING.” Equius begged, his face in his hands. “You need to lighten up, captain tight-ass! You need to get laid. Or at least feel someone up! Ever touch a boob?”  
“…No, no, I have not.”  
“Here. I’ll let you touch mine.”  
“What?!? No! VRISKA! Put your shirt down!!!”  
“I just want you to have the experience! And this table is right in the back, no one is looking.”  
“…please just put your chest back under your shirt. Please.”  
“You see, a straight guy would have-”  
“Has it ever crossed your mind that I might just be a respectable, NICE young man, unlike all of the pushy sex-hungry idiots you’ve ever ‘dated’??” Equius snapped louder than he had expected. He hadn't expected to snap at all.  
“…Jeez, Equius. Let me crack a fucking joke without getting a lecture that my dead mother wouldn’t even give me.” She muttered, pulling her shirt down over her waist.  
“…I’m… sorry, Vriska, I just-”  
“Whatever.”  
“I’m sorry, Vriska, I’m just… extremely uncomfortable with these little talks of yours. I didn’t mean to do that.”  
“Equius, the guys I ‘DATE’ and the way I act has nothing to do with-”  
“I know that. You know I love you Vriska. You know I love your quote-on-quote ‘power-slut’ ways.” He said, using a nickname she had joked around about for the entire eleventh grade. She couldn’t resist a little smile.  
“Awww, you swore for me.”  
“Yes, I did. Which further reinstates how much I care for you, 'babe'.”  
Vriska laughed. “Have you ever called anyone ‘babe’ in your entire life?”  
“…Yes, once… Counting this time.”  
“Yeah. That’s what I thought.” She smirked. “I’m gonna go get my chocolate milk.”  
She got up and walked away, leaving him to sit alone for a few minutes. If Vriska had any addictions, they were simply to being a fun-loving bitch and to drinking chocolate milk. Three days later, at lunch together again. Three days of listening to her sexpiditions and stories and constantly changing the subject. He loved her to bits, but he couldn’t stand to listen to it. It confused everyone. He was a ripe young man of seventeen, seen as a complete ladies man, but an unabashed virgin, and the definition of chaste. Not even chaste- sometimes, it even came across as just terrified of sex.  
He read a book while he waited for his friend. It bored him, as he had read it seven times already. It wasn’t even that good. A simple and tedious harlequin romance that even Karkat didn’t recommend.  
He just wanted some form of functional romance in his life. This was good enough. …Sort of.  
He quietly made a note to get a better novel that afternoon in the library during his last-period spare.  
He closed the book and put it down, looking around the lunch room, taking in all the sights and characters. His eyes glided around people and a few friends, then suddenly did a double take and his eyes swept a couple feet back. A darkish-skinned boy (who, completely honestly, looked more a lot more like a man than a boy) stood beside Karkat, making him look even shorter. They were talking, their conversation lost in the thick crowds and buzzing students, but they stood out like two flashing red lights. Karkat, the bright white light concealed with dark clothing, Gamzee, the black star, the devil in a wolf’s clothing. He didn’t try to hide what he was, with his half-shaved head and steely-sharp eyes.  
Equius suddenly caught himself noticing things about Gamzee’s appearance that he hadn’t noticed before and he looked away as Vriska was walking back to him. But not in time- as he was averting his eyes, Gamzee’s own shot over to him, and caught a glimpse of a raised eyebrow.

“Hey there.” Vriska said, eyeing the juggalo at the other end of the room. “Looking at options?”  
“Looking at people.”  
“Your eyes weren’t exactly dis-interested.”  
“Vriska, no.”  
“He’s really good. I can say that from experience. He likes guys more than girls though.”  
“Does he?” Equius asked, for no reason that he could think of.  
“Mmm-hm.” Vriska hummed, a mischievous smile spreading across her face. “You seem interested.”  
“…It just surprises me. That’s all.” He said as casually as possible. There was no way he was attracted to Gamzee. No way at all. He was vulgar, and coarse, and-  
And he was a boy. Why was Equius even CONSIDERING the possibility? Why?  
Why, indeed.  
The rest of their time together was filled with random drabbles and laughing. It got his mind off of sexuality, at least, his own sexuality, so he was all for it. Vriska excused herself early, that day- so Equius decided to go to the library and change his book out a little sooner than he had planned.  
Browsing the shelves, he came across a book titled ‘Left of Center’. A colourful, interesting cover, with a single black Doc Martian-esque boot gracing the front. Just out of curiosity, he flipped it over to see what it was about.

‘When self-confessed player Brand Faulkner arranges to meet three different Goth guys over the course of one weekend, he isn't expecting to meet someone like 'Enigma'. Enigma isn't like anyone Brandon's met before. He's unpredictable, volatile and... well, downright weird! To make matters worse, the gorgeous Enigma isn't at all impressed with Brandon and is unafraid to crush the man's ego at every opportunity. For the first time in his life, Brandon has to work hard to win the guy. Will Brandon agree to Enigma's left of center, bizarre requests, or is the player about to get played?’

He went to put it back on the shelf quickly before even getting halfway through the description and in his haste, he knocked over several books. Cursing inside of his head, he kneeled down to pick them all up, and caught sight of something odd through a gap between some books. Vriska was in the library.  
This was an odd sight for a list of reasons. The most prominent being, Vriska didn’t like the school library. She constantly complained about it not having books that she liked. He generally enjoyed non-fiction, or mangas, or just interesting horror stories, and she could never seem to find them.  
He took a closer look, and suddenly, realized what was happening. She was leaning on a table, talking to Karkat Vantas. His hood was off, something that didn’t happen very often. He couldn’t hear them, really, but got the odd word.  
She reached forward and ruffled his white hair playfully. He jerked back a bit, shaking his head, but Equius caught a glimpse of a smile on his face. And he smiled, too. At least someone’s love life was sort of working out.  
He put the books back on the shelves and, very, very slowly, picked the colourful book back off of the shelf. The picture of the black boot had a shine to it, a glossy section of paper. He turned it over in his hands and read the full description.

‘When self-confessed player Brand Faulkner arranges to meet three different Goth guys over the course of one weekend, he isn't expecting to meet someone like 'Enigma'. Enigma isn't like anyone Brandon's met before. He's unpredictable, volatile and... well, downright weird! To make matters worse, the gorgeous Enigma isn't at all impressed with Brandon and is unafraid to crush the man's ego at every opportunity. For the first time in his life, Brandon has to work hard to win the guy. Will Brandon agree to Enigma's left of center, bizarre requests, or is the player about to get played?’

It seemed interesting.  
He put it back on the shelf and walked out of the library.


	3. Intelligence and Darkness are surprisingly alike

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Equius' past is going to force its way out weather he wants it or not, but right now, he's too busy with current issues involving lying to Gamzee about something so he can see him again (for reasons he doesnt even understand), and his own too-loud-to-be-ignored-identity forcing its way under his skin.  
> At least Vriska's love life is going somewhere.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> little warning: homophobic undertones. from a gay guy who can;t accept himself. all will be explained. just try not to be offended.  
> And, because Vriska likes a bit of everything herself, I have decided that she is totally supportive of gays, which is why her and Equius butt heads at times.
> 
> (the next chapter may include Equius' description of some not night things that happened to him as a child. be warned.)

Equius tapped his fingers on a thick book on his desk, secretly eyeing the clock. He hated to be that kid- even though everyone was- but from a week of spending lunch with a girl he actually cared for, he was really starting to look forward to it. It struck him as more than ironic that she was the one trying to make him see his true sexuality.  
True sexuality.  
He had been friends with Dirk Strider from the moment he met him in tenth grade. He was older, taller, and infinitely cooler than the fifteen-year-old book obsessed Equius, but that never really stood in their way- until Equius found out that he was gay.  
He almost felt bad saying the word. Dirk hated it.  
When Equius had found out that Dirk was, in fact, not straight, it had caused a rift in their friendship that still hadn’t healed completely. He hadn’t wanted it to. It was simply the way-  
Simply the way he was raised.   
Lots of things were wrong with the way he was raised.  
The bell rang, and snapped his train of thought.  
He got up quickly, throwing his things much more carelessly than usual into his bag and running out to the lunchroom. Class had been boring, and when class was boring, it left Equius to his own devices, which was a terrible, terrible thing. He sat in the front row so he couldn’t stare off into the distance or bury himself in written word or drawings. The teacher would notice. So he just had to sit there, and his brain would slowly wander off to dark corners of his memories and thoughts, and hell would visit him until the bell rang.  
So yeah. He booked it out of that fucking classroom.  
He got to their usual table early and took the moment to pull out a notebook and fill a page with ink and some plans for an outer shell design for one of his welded contraptions. At times, he would work with Sollux on these designs. They won an award once with their combined knowledge of robots and advanced circuitry.  
But this one was all his.  
As he doodled a swirly-looking Capricorn sign on the corner of his page, the phrase ‘speak of the devil’ flickered through his mind for reasons he didn’t understand.  
Until just a moment later.   
“Neat.” Came the familiar, gravelly voice behind him.   
It shocked him that he wasn’t shocked.   
“Gamzee.” He said as casually as possible, taking a bit of Vriska’s advice for once (‘Keep your friends close and your enemies closer! Basically, don’t be such a dick to them, and you’ll find a few things out.’). he felt the wight of the bench shift ever so slightly as Gamzee sat down beside him, facing the outside. His elbows shifted up onto the table. Equius glanced at the silhouette of his arm through the fitted black fabric. For his height (which was even taller than Equius), he looked almost unhealthily thin.  
They started a conversation.  
To Equius’ surprise, it was… pleasant.  
Not conversation of the year, or even week, but it was sort of… it was interesting. He just hadn’t expected such a lewd, punkish man to be so…

Intelligent.

That was what it was. That was what surprised him. Gamzee was genuinely intelligent. In fact, he seemed more intelligent than most people in the school. It dawned on him while they were talking that he had always seen Gamzee as, well… not intelligent at all, because of how he acted when he was high, which was all day, every day. But he wasn’t actually that person. It makes you different. This was actually… what Gamzee was like.  
Gamzee was cold. His words and eyes and language, it was all very cold, almost… judgmental, and detached.   
He was calculating. A vastly underplayed side of his intelligence. As much as he was filled with emotions (and not the necessarily good ones, either) he could think without them. He understood politics, he had very different and sometimes radical opinions on religion, he wasn’t BORING.  
…it was refreshing.  
And Gamzee was the last person he ever would have expected it from.   
They stumbled onto the topic of how they were doing in school. Equius, in truth, was getting straight A’s.   
But Equius, in truth, was a completely socially awkward and clueless teenager who had never been to a party in his life. He had no idea how to convey to Gamzee that he was enjoying speaking with him (even though he was supposed to hate him), so he lied. A little.  
Just a little.  
“You’re FAILING something? Damn.”  
“I didn’t say I was proud of it.” Equius did his best to mumble. The embarrassed look he was sporting didn’t need acting skills.   
“Well… how are YOU doing in Religion?” he asked.   
“Best subject, actually.” Gamzee said. His eyes seemed to be flickering around the room.   
“This… is embarrassing for me, in all honestly, but-”  
“You want me to tutor you.” Gamzee interrupted, looking back over at him. Light from a far window hit his eyes but he didn’t seem to care all that much. In the direct sun, his skin paled, and his eyes did as well. It gave off a sort of eerie glow.  
Equius ignored it best he could.  
“…If that wouldn’t inconvenience you. It would be extremely helpful-”  
“I wouldn’t have said it if I wasn’t cool with it.”  
“Oh. Well- thank you. Very much.”  
“Truth is, Equius, I kinda miss you.”  
“What?”  
“We were never real good motherfuckin FRIENDS of anything, I mean, I was clear on that. But we talked. And I thought you were pretty interesting. Unlike all the other boring-ass fucks in this place.” He added the last part with a low tone, like he was watching someone walk past that he didn’t like and wanted to make the remark right at them.  
“So. Wanna give me your number or something?”  
“What??”  
“So I can call you about the tutoring.”  
“Right- right. Yes. Sorry. Here.” He said, shaking his head and ripping a small piece of paper from his book. He jotted down his cell number and passed it to him.  
“Talk to you soon.” He said, standing. The arm that Equius had been focusing on earlier seemed to bulk out slightly as the muscles tightened, when he stood. Equius just nodded.  
Vriska walked up as Gamzee left, her eyes trailing after him. “What’s up? You two being civil all of a sudden?”  
“Actually… he has my cell phone number now.”  
“DETAILS. NOW.”  
“We- no, Vriska, no! He’s just being friendly.” He decided mentally to not tell her about his lie. …at least not yet.  
“Yeah. We all know what happens when Gamzee decides to be friendly.” She smirked. “SO! News. First date with Karkat is on Friday night.”  
“Is that so?”  
“Yes, it so is. He actually asked me. I didn’t even have to.”  
“Well, that’s nice.”  
“…Equius?”  
“Yes?”  
“I think your head is somewhere else right now.”  
“What? No, Vriska, I’m paying attention to-”  
“I know. Your eyes and ears are on me. Your mind, however, isn’t. how dare you not tell your bestest friend ever who you’re thinking about!”  
“I’m not thinking about anyone, Vriska. NO ONE at ALL.”  
“…you are such a liar.”  
“Vriska.”  
“No. You know what, Equius? I know you. And I know that you’re thinking about someone. Don’t try and bullshit me.  
I picked this up for you at the library a couple days ago.” She said, tossing a book down in front of him. When he realized what it was, it left him entirely speechless.

Left of Center.

“…Vriska, why-”  
“Because it’s interesting, and a good love story, and you need a good love story.”  
“…Vriska. I don’t want to… I don’t want to offend anyone, but…”  
“It’s because it’s about gay people?”  
Equius sighed quietly.  
“Gay people aren’t the devil, Equius!”  
“I know that!”  
“Then why are you so messed up about it?? Karkat is the one that pointed it out! He’s totally straight, and he loved it! He thought it was a great love story. I thought you would enjoy it.”

They sat at the table without speaking for longer than either of them would have cared to mention.

“…Vriska. If I may.”  
“Yeah?”  
“I think… This is a book I’m going to need to check out without your help one day.”  
“…Oh. …Wait, what? Why? I mean… why?”  
His voice dropped. “I don’t want to explain it right now. I just- please just take it back. And I’ll tell you why when we aren’t surrounded by people.” He was hiding his face, even from her. The truth was, he didn’t want to explain it to anyone at all, ever again. 

But sometimes, you just need to do things.


	4. A Harsh Reality

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Equius takes Vriska aside to talk to her about some very personal issues from a long time ago.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> fair warning- this may be triggering to people who have survived child abuse. I do not take it lightly and didn't put in here simply to give Equius a dark backstory. I write dark characters. I felt this sort of backstory would make sense with the Equius that I had created, and I give characters depth by giving them difficulties. Understand that it's not just something that rolls off of him when he starts having feelings for Gamzee. It's going to be difficult for him, but because of the strong person he is, not impossible.  
> ((And bonding over dark childhoods is comforting. I know.))

Equius didn’t want to do the thing.

No. No, that wasn’t quite right.

He wanted to do the thing. But he was AFRAID to do the thing. 

He was afraid to tell Vriska about his childhood. She had known him since he was fourteen, when he had just gotten out of his last foster home.   
The only one that might have been able to say she knew a bit of what was going on was Nepeta. But the thing with Equius was that he was strong- too strong, one could say. He forced himself to be- he hid absolutely everything.   
But veils are always some level of transparent, and if you try to make them completely full, you’ll smother yourself.

The next day at lunch, Vriska acted different. She had no stories of sex, no books. She was scared, for him. He had no idea what he was going to tell her so she was imagining all the worst things possible. She sipped her chocolate milk quietly, and their conversation was dry and quiet.   
“Don’t- don’t do this. Don’t act like this.” Equius finally said, rubbing his left temple.   
“Because if you do this, and act like this, not even knowing what has happened, then when you find out, you’re not even going to be able to be around me.”  
“That isn’t true-”  
“No, it kind of is.”  
“Tell me. Equius, I can’t stand this. I feel like you got touched as a kid or something! How redicul- oh my god.” She stared at his face, which had suddenly darkened.   
“Vriska, lower your voice.”  
“Oh my God!”  
“Vriska!! Lower your voice!” Equius hissed, leaning towards her across the table.  
She covered her mouth. “Please tell me that I’m being stupid and wrong, Equius.” She said through her fingers, her darkly-eyelined eyes wide as saucers. His eyes shifted said to side as casually as possible, his mouth suddenly even tighter than usual.  
“We should go somewhere.”  
“…Okay.” She said, picking her bag up quickly, getting up. He got up slower than her, a knot forming in his stomach, and throat, and chest. How could he want to do something, but be so terrified to?  
They went to the side of the school, outside. There was a biting wind, but they sat together in a nook where she used to smoke during the winter. They had to sit close, but Vriska’s friend-senses were tingling, and she knew that she would want to be close so she could hug him as soon as he tried to start talking.  
Hoodies came in handy that period. “I need to be inside for third per-”  
“Equius? I don’t think that’s the big issue right now. Start talking. Please.” She said, hugging her dark red hoodie around her tightly.   
“…I’m not sure you want to hear about it.”  
“I am. Equius.”  
“…You know that I was in foster homes as a child, correct?”  
She nodded.  
And he told her about what had happened in the foster homes.  
He told her about how in the first three, it had been fine. He had missed his mother, but the people had been nice, and it was a much healthier place than his old home.   
Then, he told her about the fourth, the one he had spent most of his childhood in. He was in there from seven to thirteen. The people had seemed nice- there were crosses all over their house. A respectable family, a pretty little girl with an older brother. Equius was right between them- and for a little while, he actually started to feel at home.   
That feeling didn’t last for very long.  
They were religious. Very much so-  
But no. Not the very religious, maybe a bit overbearingly but still nice Christians- they were the sort of Christians that you heard about on the late news for killing someone in the name of the lord. They were backwoods. And terrifying. But only when you got to know them.  
He didn’t know how to tell her what they did to him for the years he had lived in that house.  
So he started with something small, at least compared to the rest.   
He told her that while in the house, all the children had taken their baths together. By the time he was thirteen, they were still doing it, and the oldest boy was fifteen. When they had gotten older, the brother had started to abuse the sister, kicking and pinching her, making her cry. Maybe a little more than you would expect from siblings.   
He would hurt her in the bath, when she was more vulnerable. She was only nine when he was fifteen.  
Equius had formed a bond with her, and wanted to protect her. But the parents would, instead of having them take separate baths or stay separated, put the girl right in between the two boys, because they believed it was a terrible sin for two naked males to touch-   
But her brother could touch her any way he wanted to.  
Maybe it had something to do with Adam being made first in the second genesis story. The males had always seemed dominant in that house.  
That story earned a 'That’s... fucked up' from Vriska, her face contorted slightly. She hugged her sweater closer, but not because of the cold air.   
"I don't need to keep talking, if you-"  
"No. You need to talk. I'm okay." She had assured him.  
He closed his eyes, let out a soft sigh, and told her the second story.  
In that house, sex was never spoken about, as if learning about it would cause it to corrupt everyone. Even the parents never seemed to talk about it. The little sister walked in on them when she was six- they made her walk around with her eyes closed for the rest of the day, in their panic, and not an hour later, she fell down the stairs. She needed four stitches.   
Equius had his first 'wet dream' when he was twelve. He had it puberty a lot faster than the other children his age, even the biological brother. He beat up on him for that. As Equius got stronger, he still refused to fight back, from fear of hurting him and getting lashed by the parents. They were old-fashioned in their ways of discipline. When people asked Equius about the bruises on his wrists and legs and face, he told them he got them climbing trees, and started wearing long sleeves.  
Anyway.  
When he had woken up from the dream, he had been confused and scared, as he had never been taught anything about it. He ran to the mother who promptly smacked him across the face and ordered him to handwash the sheets.  
She wasn't the nice one after that. He never ran to her again. The next night, he had a dream that she was castrating him and woke up in a cold sweat, which she mis-interptated, and made him handwash his sheets a second time.  
Vriska didn't really have anything to say to that one. She just hugged him tightly, curled up on his chest. He didn’t say anything for a little while. They both knew the bell had already rung for third period.  
Vriska tugged on his sweater gently, nestling into him. His wording had been very careful and well-placed up to that point, but the last thing he would have to tell her had no well-worded, twin, no version that would let him keep his integrity. He didn’t technically need to tell her. Not really. He’d never told anyone. He’d never told anyone, through all of the counselors and children workers, this was a detail that wasn’t mentioned.   
He hugged Vriska close to him.   
“…You can keep talking.”  
“I don’t think I need to.”  
“Equius.”  
“You’ve gotten the main idea, I’m sure.”  
“Equius, do your parents know about this? Does anyone?”  
“You and a few child workers I found on my own.”  
“…Your parents don’t know?”  
“You never tell your father anything. This shouldn’t come as a surprise to you.”  
“But this- this is something you should be having NIGHTMARES about.”  
“I do. I lie.”  
“…You really… this isn’t good. And you haven’t even told me the worst part yet.”  
“How would you know that?”  
“Because of how you reacted when I said the thing in the lunch room.”   
There was another long, unfaltering pause.  
“…Oh, God, Equius, you went through that and I’ve been shoving sex in your face for years and teasing you about it and never letting up when you said to and~!”  
“Vriska, calm down. Please.”  
“I’m so sorry! I am so sorry.”  
“Vriska. Look at me. Just look at me for a moment.  
I am not a victim.”  
Her eyebrows crinkled, giving him a confused look.  
“I’m a survivor, and I won’t take your pity for something that happened to me a long time ago.   
It affected me, and obviously, it still does. But life goes on. If you let it.”  
“…God, I really don’t get you, Equius.” She mumbled into his shoulder, her embrace still tight.   
“What?”  
“I don’t get you. You’ve gone through shit, so much shit, and you act strong, and loyal, but you shun what you are because of a bad person who did something to you years ago.”  
“…I need to talk to Dirk.” He murmured. “I know I’m not doing very good on-”  
“No, I’m not saying you’re doing bad. I’m not saying that to you right now.”  
“Well, if you were, you wouldn’t be wrong.” He said. “I think we’re very late for third period.”  
“I don’t think I care. I really don’t. Talk to Dirk, do what you need to. Just… just keep being my Equius. Let’s sit here for a while.”  
“…But you’re obviously cold.”  
“I don’t care! I don’t care. Shut up. Shut up and hug me and I’ll hug you too and neither of us will ever tell anyone of this incident.”  
“Sounds good.” He said quietly, curving around her slightly, their bodies curled up into one another’s. 

 

If Equius were ever to have siblings, real siblings, he would choose Vriska and Nepeta.

 

Four days later, he would call Dirk for the first time in months.


End file.
